June 14, 2010

Today is the first day

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I have composed this post in my head more than a half dozen times. How do I reveal my heart without coming across as whiny and complainy? How to share how I feel at risk of sounding ungrateful for the tremendous blessings in my life?

My heart tells me that my children are growing up way too fast and that I need to try with all of my might to slow things down, breathe it all in and soak up these fleeting moments. My heart tells me that I would love to be able to spend hot summers days taking them on trips to the zoo, playing in the backyard baby pool or taking an adventure to our nearby park. My heart tells me that I want them to look back on their childhoods and remember them very fondly.....the way that I remember mine.

My mind tells me that I am extremely blessed with a job that helps pay the bills and helps us afford the beautiful home we have. My mind tells me that I can not ask for a more perfect situation where my children are literally a hop, skip and a jump away from me all day. Where I can peek in on them at a moments notice to grab a quick hug or kiss a boo boo.

My heart and my mind seem to constantly be in a tug of war with one another. Many times, this results in a yucky case of Mommy guilt. But should I feel guilty? According to my heart, yes...but according to my mind, no.

My dilemma is how do I go about balancing out what my heart feels and what my mind knows? How do I get past that yucky Mommy guilt that comes in like an uninvited guest and wreaks havoc on my attitude and spirit?


 ”A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

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